Brokers and Brokerage

Mr. Robinson's neighborhood's a water warzone

Date 11/18/1999 12:00 AM | Topic: Opinion

5...4...3...2...1...Go! I dash out the door and hop on my bike. My gun tightly gripped in my hand and cocked, ready to defend against the hunter I know is lurking somewhere in the shadows. I fly across campus for safety stashing my bike in a secluded place and quickly looking around to make sure I am not being followed.

I hit the deck as someone comes whizzing past on another bike, but they continue on and I belly crawl for a little ways before I roll over and kick flip to a standing position and run to the nearest door of the Union. Safe inside I gloat inwardly at another successful dash to the Caf escaping the would-be-attacker that is on my trail 24/7.

I am now sitting here in my room, having successfully returned home after a few harrowing moments and a mad dash across the Library lawn, listening to my roommate Longtin scream and swear as he is beaten to death by his own bloody, dismembered leg in a game of Mortal Kombat. (And he calls me a psycho and a Neanderthal?)

I write this column to respond to the anticipated public quarantine and to retort to his article regarding the Watergun War. Don't get me wrong, my roommate is my best friend and he is a great guy. Primarily, I am writing to defend a game which I have come to know and love and which, though people may not agree with me, has contributed to the greater good of the campus.

While I will be the first to admit that this activity has created an escalated paranoia among some campus members (who is more paranoid, the participants, or the bystanders ready to raise their own guns in protest?), I would argue that these same participants have been given the chance to feel life at its absolute fullest. Nothing makes you feel more alive than when you are running for your "life" from building to building.

Heart rate is increased, circulation is improved, muscles are exercised as the whole body tenses in an attempt to avoid an approaching stream of water. The physical benefits are immeasurable.

Spiritually, one learns to be more aware of all that is around them, observing every little movement of the trees or bushes. Also there is a great deal of praying to God for protection from almost anyone who has happened upon another person with a water gun in the dark of night.

One of the biggest benefits of the Watergun War, however, is the way it brings the Luther community together. You get the chance to meet new people as you figure out the dorm room and class schedule of a random person whose picture you receive in your SPO. I have already made three new acquaintances who very well may become new friends. You would be amazed how quick you get to know someone when you are looking at each other down the barrel of a dripping gun.

There are many more benefits to the campus community; environmental benefits (We do tend to water the lawn a great deal), academic benefits (we all seem to get to class on time, if not particularly early), psychological benefits (what better way to get out those aggressive tendencies from the stress of grades and papers than in some safe, simulated combat activity?) and many more.

It must be said, however, that the best thing about the Watergun War is that it is fun as hell! So, for all of you lifeless students out there who have nothing more exciting happenning in your day than checking your SPO and eating in the Caf: quit whining and grab yourself a squirt gun.

--

Mark Robinson
Guest Columnist

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