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All the World's Ills Now Officially Bush's Fault

Business Brokerage By Doug Patton

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Forex Broker (AXcess News) Omaha - My friend Troy suggested over lunch last week that I write a column about all the things that are now being blamed on George W. Bush. My first reaction was that it has been done. One piece has explored all the reasons why Hurricane Katrina was Bush's fault.

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Online Brokerage We have all heard the accusations about blown levees and federal neglect of New Orleans' poor, predominantly black citizens. Global warming, we are being told, is to blame for all these hurricanes, and that, of course, is all George Bush's fault. In fact, he may have even directed Katrina to hit the poorest minority neighborhoods of New Orleans. Yes, I reasoned, the satirical, blame-Bush piece has been done.

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Real Estate Broker But then, I thought, why stop with Katrina. The Left is never content to blame just one thing on this president. So, in the interest of public information, I went through my Sunday paper and found a veritable treasure trove of things that are Bush's fault!

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Agency Brokerage Spark Headline: "With Major Cities Largely Spared, Evacuated Texans Can't Wait to Get Back." Obviously, since the president has the power to direct hurricanes, he must have controlled Hurricane Rita as well. It seems clear now that Bush allowed Rita to head toward Houston as a category five storm, forcing millions of Texans to flee. Then at the last minute, the White House directed Rita to veer to the east, thereby sparing Houston but dumping enough rain onto New Orleans to again flood the city's ninth ward. So, we can safely say that the renewed flooding in New Orleans is Bush's fault.

What is a ticket broker TicketsNow permits a number of professional ticket sellers to list their inventories on our site. Among our thoroughly screened listing sellers are reputable ticket brokers. A broker is defined as "One hired for a fee to negotiate purchases, contracts, or sales." A ticket broker does just that. There are people who want to sell their tickets and there are also people who want to buy those same tickets. There are two ways that a broker can do this. The broker can buy the tickets outright from the seller and hope that they can sell them. If the market drops or the tickets don't get sold the broker incurs the loss. The second way is the broker could take the tickets from the seller on consignment and keep a fee if they are sold. Either way a ticket broker puts the buyers and the sellers together for a fee.

Business Broker Headline: "Gulf Coast's Next Disaster Likely to be Mold." Was it not enough that the White House forced water into people's homes? Now, they will have to contend with mold spores planted in their homes by this evil president.

Brokerage Account Headline: "Evacuees Screened for Wanted Criminals." In this story, it seems that some cities are doing criminal background checks on evacuees when they show up in their communities. Since New Orleans officials simply emptied their jails before the storm, this sounds logical. But, of course, the ACLU and other guardians of the rights of the criminally deviant are screaming that this is discriminatory against minorities. Who could possibly be behind such a plot against the downtrodden but George W. Bush?

Stock Broker Headline: "Credit Card Companies Sure Don't Mind Those Soaring Gas Prices." In this article, we are told that fees charged by credit card companies are netting them $6 million more in profits per day than they did this time last year. This benefits the rich, so it must be Bush's fault.

Brokerage Online Stock Trading Headline: "G.I. in Columbia Found Trafficking Cocaine to be Easy." Here we have the story of a U.S. Army Staff Sergeant deployed to South America to fight drug trafficking. Instead, he became a trafficker himself. "It was easy. They never suspected that any military of civilian personnel would bring back contraband," SSgt. Daniel Rosas said, thereby leaving us with no alternative but to blame George Bush and his war on drugs for this good man's downfall.

Broker Justin Ticket Headline: "Buying a Used Car? Check it for Flood." Like mold spores, this is just one more bit of fallout Americans will have to deal with from George W. Bush's floodwaters.

Real Estate Brokerage Headline: "Once Clients-Only, Schwab Funds Now More Accessible." From the business section comes news that Schwab mutual funds, once only available to clients of the discount brokerage, are now being sold through third-party distributors. One more opportunity for the rich to get richer. Need I say more?

Commodity Broker Headline: "Money Market Funds' Assets Were Mixed." Also from the business pages, this article detailing how assets of taxable money market funds in the retail category fell by $9.24 billion to $1.139 trillion for the week ending Wednesday, September 21. Anything that lowers taxes on "the rich" must be Bushs fault.

Brokerage House On and on it goes. In every section of the paper, in far too many stories to mention here, I found new societal ills that clearly were George W. Bush's fault.

Real Estate Broker Exam No word yet concerning his whereabouts on November 22, 1963.

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